This is 40
A J. A. Joint
Last week, I turned 40. Yeah, I know right? Apparently, everything goes downhill from here. So leading up to my birthday, I felt some dread and I planned to get my emotions out through an inspiring write up to share with all of you on my big day, but I did nothing.
I chose rest and reflection and if I’m being honest it didn’t help that schools were canceled because of the weather. My dreams of galavanting around the city like my 20 something year old self were replaced by staying in surrounded by the joyfully chaotic noise of my kids, which ironically reminded me that I’m a little washed.
Not that I’m complaining. But as I sat in that noise, I found myself asking, How in the hell did I get here so fast?…
Well my mama used to say, “one day you’ll wake up and say DAMN OLD.” Like most youngins, I ignored her thinking that’s just typical old folks talk. But now that I’m here, and I understand. Somehow, 21 feels like yesterday, and now I’m left wondering how the years went by so quickly, proving that time doesn’t slow down for me — or anyone else.
As I enter this milestone, my emotions are mixed. I feel blessed to have lived this long, especially considering that many people I’ve known are no longer here. And social media serves as a constant reminder of how precious life is. It seems like every week brings news of some kind of tragedy or loss.
Despite my gratitude, I still struggle with feelings of regret. I think about the time I’ve wasted, the ideas I never executed, and the chances I didn’t take. I even think about opportunities that slipped through my fingers because I allowed fear to hold me back. For the longest, I allowed these regrets to define me. I compared myself to my peers who seemed further ahead, more accomplished, more successful and in doing so I robbed myself of joy.
Then, somewhere in this reflection, I realized that 40 is a rebirth — the new 20, as some would say. Ironically, I used to think that phrase was a way for more seasoned folks to cling to their youth, but now I understand it differently. It’s not about holding on to what was; it’s about stepping into what’s next.
Here’s the thing, our early years aren’t truly ours. As kids, we’re shaped by our parents, teachers, coaches, and the world around us. We follow paths that are set for us such as school, sports, summer camps, etc. We don’t live for ourselves; we live for the expectations of others.
Then comes the so-called adulthood, when we turn 18 or 21 and feel grown up because society says we are. But in reality, we’re like newborns all over again. We don’t know who we are or how to survive on our own. We make choices, experiment, and stumble — thinking that’s what it means to be an adult.
Throughout our 20s and 30s, we chase dreams that might not even be ours. We work jobs, earn degrees, build resumes, and try to fit into boxes created by others. We often lose ourselves in titles and paychecks, thinking that’s where fulfillment lies.
But at 40, something shifts. You start to see the game for what it is. You begin to understand what truly matters and what doesn’t. You stop living for everyone else and start focusing on what makes you genuinely happy.
For me, it’s simple: do right by others, keep learning, keep evolving, be present, and choose happiness.
I let go of past mistakes and things I didn’t accomplish. I can’t change any of that. What I can do is forgive myself, move forward, and realize that every situation has prepared me for growth.
So, this is 40. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine. For the first time in a long time, I feel ready to live life on my terms.
J.A.